What Is A Luminous Woman? by, Chelsea Wakefield

Thank you so much to Chelsea Wakefield for allowing me to share this beautiful essay with you. I hope it touches your heart the way it did mine:

What Is A Luminous Woman?

     A woman becomes luminous when she begins to live by her own inner light.  This light grows as she establishes a taproot into the creative power of her archetypal depths, giving her a quiet dynamism that emanates from the core of her being.  As she listens to the voice of her soul and tends her inner flame, she becomes aware of her own particular passions and discovers the gifts and strengths that will open the path for their expression.

     The luminous woman cultivates a core of peace and self awareness.  She rests confidently in her own original essence and therefore she can genuinely appreciate the gifts and beauty of others without the sense that they diminish her in some way.  She does not live life comparing herself to others and thereby avoids the pitfalls of competition and envy. Because her sense of worth is not dependent on the positive feedback of others, she knows her needs and wants and has her own opinions and positions on life.  She can take a stand for her own truth regardless of whether others understand, agree with, or approve of her.  A luminous woman has archetypal fluency, able to inhabit, speak, and act from many places in the psyche.  She is not trapped by narrow definitions of herself.  Her depths inform her that she is much more than her titles, social standing, appearance, talents, roles or history.   She does not shrink from life and the challenges that life brings.  She embraces her destiny as it unfolds.

     The luminous woman is not afraid of her own shadow.  She recognizes that we all have dark impulses and emotions and that this energy can be transformed into fuel for living a rich, creative and purposeful life.  The luminous woman has made peace with her past.  She celebrates the uniqueness of her story and how every experience has brought her to the place where she stands today.  She is not overly identified with her wounds.  She has gathered their gold, learned the lessons and moved on.  She is not shame bound.  Because she is anchored in her depths, she walks through the dark passages of life letting go of what needs to be released, experiencing suffering as a necessary part of transformation and moving through life’s challenges with an increasing sense of trust in the process.  Over the years her experience with the many cycles of life, death and rebirth deepen her sense of trust in the transcendent power which orchestrates all of life.  This growing trust prepares her to relinquish the body with courage and grace in the final passage of death. 

    The luminous woman balances connection and independence.  She loves deeply, but with an open hand.  She loves from a place of fullness rather than emptiness and shares her fullness with others. She experiences her own depths as her primary source of fulfillment and is not afraid of solitude.  She does not sell her soul for the promise of safety, love, approval or security.  She can chose to pour herself out and give of herself deeply, but knows when she needs replenishment and goes to the well when she needs it.   She does not cling to childhood illusions or demand that those in her life live according to her script.  She allows those she loves (children, friends, lovers, and husbands) to grow and change as their own journeys evolve.  She lives with courage and integrity.

     The luminous woman knows her value.  She is well bounded and able to set limits with those who do not respect or appreciate her value.  In tune with herself, she knows her needs and wants and can state them clearly.  The luminous woman is in touch with her vulnerability and knows how to protect herself when those around her will not.  She is free to say yes and no to the requests of others.  When people, positions, and situations no longer serve her soul’s journey she can relinquish them and move on.  The luminous woman sees and accepts people as they are and this clarity of vision gives her wisdom in her choice of relationships.  Because she is listening to her inner leading and not clinging to childhood illusions she can recognize harmful and exploitive people and situations, and decline the invitation to become prey.  Her clarity of vision allows her to partner and form loving bonds and working alliances with others who share her deeper values.

     The luminous woman remains sensually embodied throughout her life enjoying the sights, smells, sounds, tastes and sensations of life on earth.  The energy of eternal spring and the bounty of summer is experienced and expressed in all her creative endeavors, whether they be in the kitchen, garden, art, lovemaking, or in a passionate commitment to a chosen life work.  The luminous woman inhabits, enjoys, and cares for her body with appreciation all the days of her life.  She relinquishes her attachment to the body of her youth as the years pass and grows more deeply beautiful with age because she has cultivated her depths and continues to experience the greening power of the soul.

      A woman is luminous whenever she is aglow with a sense of meaning and connection, passion and deep feeling.  She can appreciate the fresh beauty and energy of the young women around her as they blossom and become aware of their presence, power and sense of self.  The presence, power and wisdom that emanate from her make her a “super model” for younger women.  Aphrodite’s sparkle is with her at all ages.  It warms and inspires others to live a little more passionately, take more chances, and open to life.  Lucky is the young woman who has a luminous woman in her life as a mentor on the great journey.

     The Luminous Woman is an archetype of the feminine.  She dwells in women of all ages, but we celebrate her most assuredly in our cherished elders, guardians and crones.  Because she is an ideal, we will not always embody her energy, but we can invite her and cultivate her at any time.  We all want the beauty, depth, courage and confidence of the Luminous Woman.  Every woman can be a luminous woman because every woman can cultivate her connection to her archetypal depths.  Her light can never be extinguished.  Any woman can be a luminous woman. 

(2009 Chelsea Wakefield)

Chelsea Wakefield MSW, LCSW

is a Jungian oriented psychotherapist, dream worker, workshop and retreat leader who works with individuals, couples and groups. She has 

spent twenty years facilitating people in moving beyond the wounds of the past, accessing their archetypal potential and living more vibrant

and meaningful lives. Chelsea draws from a depth of training in clinical and transpersonal methods and helps people integrate the insights 

of personal work into daily living. She has a passion for supporting women in developing their luminous potential.

The Luminous Woman® Weekend

encompasses twenty years of discovery and work with women, supporting them to live into their deep wisdom, unique beauty, and archetypal

power. Graduates can stay connected to this growing community through Reunion Weekends.

www.chelseawakefield.com

Emotional Spring Cleaning

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Fun visit with a friend this morning.
2) Having the garage floor treated.
3) Going to see the movie "Red Riding Hood" tonight.

This coming Sunday marks the 1st day of Spring and you know what THAT means? Spring Cleaning!!! It's a lot of hard work doing the deep cleaning that we put off throughout the year, but the house feels so much nicer once it's done doesn't it? So it's worth the effort.

My friend and I were talking this morning about the various trials that people face in this life and how no one seems to escape having hardship of some kind. It's so easy to begin to feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in the problems isn't it? We can become so consumed in the difficulties of our lives that we simply get stuck and stop fully living. We go through the motions and only give our lives half effort. Only take in half of the joy, because our hearts are filled with frustration so there isn't as much room left for happiness. I was thinking that we ought to all take some time to do a little emotional Spring cleaning. While we're clearing out the clutter in our homes and storage rooms, how about we try to clear out some of the junk taking up space in our hearts and minds as well? I know I need to. Not so much to try to make all of our problems go away. I don't think that's possible. Life just doesn't work like that. But we can definitely control where we choose to aim our focus, and therefore how we feel from day to day no matter what is happening TO us. We can still choose joy!

Some questions to ponder:

1) Is there anyone we have hurt that we ought to make amends to?  It's not always easy to approach someone and say I'm sorry. Or accept possible consequences for our actions. But the peace we feel when we step up and make things right is worth the temporary discomfort. It's a terrible burden to carry around knowing we've caused another person pain. We can ease that by resolving to do all we can to heal the wounds.

2) Are there actual steps we can take to solve our problems that we have been putting off? When we do we end up compounding the issue and dragging it out. Take action today wherever you can!

3) Are we hanging onto the idea that things aren't fair? Well...they often aren't. It's a fact of life for everyone. Time to move forward anyway.

4) Do we need help? Sometimes our pride prevents us from reaching out to others to get the support we need when we are having tough times. Whether it be medical assistance in the case of addiction or clinical depression - or a friend to help us clean our homes or rake the yard when we are overwhelmed. Our lives go in cycles. Sometimes we give and at other times it is important to learn to be a gracious receiver as well. And allow others the blessings that come to them when they serve us.

5) Have we been counting our blessings? The surest way to a happy heart is to stay centered on gratitude at all times. No matter what negative things are happening, if we look hard enough we can always find something to be grateful for. Always! Sometimes we might have to dig deep to find it, but if we make the conscious choice to seek after gratitude it will flow into us like gentle rain. We will see things we had not noticed before. And feel our hearts begin to change.

Just like the physical spring cleaning we do in our homes, this emotional spring cleaning takes effort and may not always be pleasant in the process. But an uncluttered heart and spirit can fly to new heights, so it's worth it!!!

Pick 3

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Contest drawing coming up shortly.
2) Became a star consultant with Mary Kay!
3) Birds are singing outside my door.


We all have people who bless our lives. Family, friends, neighbors, mentors, public service workers, etc. Today I want to encourage everyone to pick three people that you are thankful for and tell them. You can give them a call, ask them to lunch and tell them in person or send a note or email. However you want to do it is fine. But it's important to make sure that others know we are grateful for them and recognize the impact they have on our lives. You surely have more than just three that come to mind, but take the time to recognize at least three today. You can choose three more next week and so on. Make it a habit in your life beginning today to routinely express your gratitude to others. You will make their days brighter and it will feel really good to you as well!

Daylight savings

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Leftovers for lunch from our Korean BBQ dinner. Delish!
2) Discovered a great home decor magazine called Veranda.
3) Mary Kay starter kit arrived.


Yesterday we changed the clocks for daylight savings time and it got me thinking...how cool would it be if we actually COULD save time? Take a particularly wonderful hour or day and store it somewhere to relive over again whenever we wanted to. What would you save? Your wedding day? The moment you held your oldest child in your arms for the very first time? The morning your 6 year old rode his bike without training wheels? The last day you spent with your grandmother before she passed away? Or what if we could actually create extra time? What would you do with it? I personally think more naps would be great. Or maybe some charity work that I've had a hard time getting to. Working on the family photo albums. Reading with my kids. Learning to play the piano or speak French.

Unfortunately time is pretty much a constant. We cannot extend it or alter it. The best that we can do is make the most of the time that is allotted to us. By focusing on the good and being fully present in the activities of our lives...emotionally involved and interacting with people...we cement those moments into beautiful memories that we can recall and "relive" well into the future. And by pondering on what truly matters most to us in our hearts we can hopefully make better choices as to how we spend our time. Offload some of the things that aren't that important and free up more time to spend on the things that will bring us true peace and joy. I am thankful this day for all of the beautiful moments in my life that turned into the memories I cherish.

Fool's Gold

Things that Went Right Today:

1) Being the "ahh" person at toastmaster for the first time tonight.
2) Discovered basil pasta. Yummy!
3) Signed up with Mary Kay. Another fun new adventure.

Next week is St. Patrick's Day so wealth seekers worldwide will be chasing down leprechauns in hopes of finding the elusive pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! But those leprechauns are crafty little guys. Really tough to catch. :-) 

What is it about money anyway? What makes us so obsessed with it as a society and as individuals that so many are willing to kill for it? Lie, cheat and steal for it? Work ourselves into early graves and neglect our families for it? Why do we tend to measure the personal worth of an individual by their net worth? And define success in life in monetary terms? 

It is true that money can buy us creature comforts. Having enough food to eat, a roof over our heads and clothes to wear are essential to our health and safety. Working hard to provide these things for our families because we love them and feel responsible for their well being is a noble thing indeed. With money we are able to give to charity. Have exciting adventures like world travel and opportunities such as a college education. Money improves the quality of our lives in tangible ways. Without it we are far less secure and comfortable. So I'm not down on money per se. Money is great! It is a powerful force that in generous hands can do many good and wonderful things. Money itself is not the problem.

I think we get into trouble when our priorities shift to putting the pursuit of money above other more valuable things. When we let greed seep into our hearts and begin to dictate our goals and behaviors. It is one thing to work hard to have a nice home to live in. But to work two jobs and travel all the time just to have an even bigger fancier house like your friend has? Or a sports car instead of an ordinary one like the guy down the street? If it means that you rarely see your children and miss all of their soccer games is it really worth it? Is an Italian suit or designer handbag really worth dying younger of a heart attack because of the stress of overwork?  Is climbing to the top of the corporate ladder really worth the cost of trampling others to get there or destroying your character in the process? 

My husband and I married very young so for the first decade of our marriage we struggled financially. We ate a lot of rice and potatoes. Shopped at thrift stores. Drove a clunker car. Went without all but the necessities...and often didn't even have them!  It wasn't easy. These days we are very comfortable. Have a beautiful home and more fashionable clothes. Drive dependable cars and are able to travel and go to concerts. I would not necessarily want to go back to the starving student days, but yet I do have to pause and ask myself if the extra money has brought more happiness? It has definitely brought us more pleasant physical circumstances. But ultimately genuine happiness is still found in the same simple things that we had all along. Hanging out with the kids. Taking walks in the sunshine. Interacting with friends. Serving others. Things that money cannot buy like faith, meditation and dancing along to the radio (when no one is looking of course).  

There is nothing wrong with dedicating yourself and finding fulfillment in a career. Or in having nice things around you. We all need to define needs vs. wants according to our own hearts and consciences. It's not for anyone else to determine what we should think or feel or do. Only we know what motivates us and it's different for every person.  I just think it's important not to lose focus on the things that are MOST important. Faith, family, friends, character. At the end of the day these will be all that we have left and all that really mattered after all. We don't want to be like the Miner's of old who wasted their time only to find fool's gold for their efforts. Shiny, but worthless after all their hard work. 

I remember when I visited Jamaica watching a group of people and thinking...wow...they live in such a poor country. Probably have so little of what most Americans take for granted. But yet here they sit laughing and chatting together on a beautiful Caribbean beach. They seemed so unrushed and carefree. Their countenances shown with inner joy. Can you really say that the high paid executive who hasn't seen his kids in weeks, is taking pills for stress and working 11 hour days to finance his expensive vacation home that he never has time to visit is more successful than these people? I think not. I am thankful this day that we are blessed with enough money to meet our needs, but even more thankful to know that even if that all disappeared one day that I would still have the gifts of family and friends in abundance. Priceless!

Farewell To The Maternity Clothes

Things that Went Right Today:

1) Have another new preschool student for next year. Almost full!
2) Got my MakesSenseMom facebook page up. Now I just need some "Likes" :-)
3) Fresh coat of paint in the office!

We've been cleaning out the storage room and unearthed an old box of maternity clothes. I thought I had gotten rid of all my baby things last year when the crib came down for the final time. But these were still lurking down there it seems. So today they will go on craigslist...off to bless some other lucky woman. Mixed emotions are running through me though as I prepare to pack up the last of the items from my pregnancy days. My "baby" is three and I am almost 43. My oldest son is 20 and will start a family of his own one day soon I'm sure. I spent almost 7 years of my life pregnant so I guess you could say I experienced that to the fullest! I know that it's time to move forward now. Grandchildren are close on the horizon for me I imagine, so I know my life will still be filled with lots of babies. I look at these clothes and remember the heartburn, the weight gain and the months with no sleep.  The heartbreak of miscarriages, the stretch marks and the sciatic nerve pain. I remember labor (with and without drugs), nursing issues and hormone swings. NO I will not miss that part. Time to let my body rest. But after so many babies it still seems surreal to me that I'll never feel new life moving inside of me again. That was amazing to me every time. That I'll never again experience the thrill of anticipation at the ultrasound waiting to find out if it's a boy or a girl. Or the fun of choosing names and imagining what the new little family member will be like. I am so thankful this day for the opportunity I have had to be a mother. The days that each of my 9 children were placed into my arms for the first time were some of the happiest days of my life. My fondest, most spiritual and awe inspiring memories. I love each one of them with all of my heart and am so grateful to have them in my life. I am also thankful for this new phase of life that is beginning for me. And that I can (usually) sleep through the night now! Farewell maternity clothes. We had a good run!

Lost passport

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Daughter cleaned out the storage room!! Thanks honey!
2) Going out to dinner tonight...don't have to cook.
3) Finished week four of the running program I am on. So far so good.

I'm planning a trip this summer to Tanzania with my husband and 18 year old son to go on a safari and climb Mount Kilimanjaro. We had been booked to go last year, but for various reasons the trip fell through so we're going to give it another try! I'm really excited about this big adventure and am in training now to be sure I'm up to the challenge and make it to the summit. To secure the tickets though we needed to give the agent some information from our passports today. To my dismay I realized this morning that my son's was not where I thought it was. A minor panic attack followed and the majority of the day was spent turning the house upside down looking for the lost passport.  I checked the place where the rest of the passports were kept. I checked his room and dresser drawers. I looked in my desk and the filing cabinet downstairs. I even offered my other kids a reward if they could find it first so I had more eyes looking, but nothing! All day long I kept having this nagging feeling that I should check the box of random filing items in the kitchen, but I couldn't think of any reason why it would have ever been put there so I ignored the prompting. I searched the car glove box, and in my husband's closet and mine. Still nothing. Again this little thought came into my mind...how about that random file box??? But no, I never would have had any reason to put it there soooo...we dug through the kitchen drawers and the office wet bar cabinets and the boxes of paper in the storage, and the nightstands. No luck! I was exhausted and pretty much ready to give up when I decided what the heck...why not check the crazy box? What could it hurt right? Even though I was positive that was the last place it would ever be. Sure enough though...there it was. Sigh. And I once again was reminded of the power of intuition. I find that I often dismiss my gut instincts and defer to what I think is most logical. Or socially accepted. Or easiest. At times the promptings I have don't even seem to make sense in light of other information available so it's easy to dismiss them. But I'm learning that our subconscious mind speaks to us quietly. In whispers.  And if we pay close attention and trust in what it tells us, it will more often than not turn out to be the right thing to do. Have you ever just known something and not even been sure why you knew it? Felt strongly that you ought to do or say a certain thing, but haven't been sure if you should? Had a big decision to make and immediately known the right course, but then second guessed yourself later on?  And don't you usually find out later that your first impressions or inclinations turned out to be correct? This obviously doesn't always prove to be true, but quite often it does. I could have saved myself a lot of anxiety today had I just listened to that internal voice early on. I still have no idea how my son's passport ended up in that box, but somewhere in the recesses of my brain I must have remembered somehow. I am thankful today that we have gut instincts to guide us, and will try to learn from today's lesson and rely on mine more readily in the future!!