Sweat

Things that went right today:

1) Ran with my daughter before school. Hopefully the first of many times running together.

2) Have everything officially ready for Halloween

3) Picked up my travel documents for our hawaii trip next week.

Can I be totally honest here and admit that I HATE to exercise? I mean really loathe it. I am not a huge fan of sweat. Or sore knees. I watch others running by as if they don't have a care in the world. They actually seem to be enjoying the experience. But me? Well running is not pretty. It involves a lot of huffing and puffing and very undignified facial expressions. It usually ends with me collapsing in a heap and feeling like puking. Not my idea of a good time. I had actually thought I was improving until I ran today with my 15 year old daughter who just finished up a season of high school cross country. Can there be a more humbling experience??? Not likely. Weight lifting too is a contradiction. It's supposed to make you stronger but the only way to do that is to rip your muscles to shreds and be in pain the next day. I may indeed be getting stronger but I am often too sore to actually lift anything. Hmmm. Aerobics is better. But not much. I never seem to look as glamorous as the woman in the video. How does she keep talking and smiling and working out at the same time? I can barely walk and chew gum. How does she keep her hair in perfect order while mine is a wild mess? And of course she never seems to break a sweat while I on the other hand am a puddle. Did I mention how little I like to sweat? Seriously. It wrecks havoc on your makeup job, leads to a most unappealing aroma, and when it starts dripping down my back it grosses me out. But even though I do not love it I have been exercising a lot these past 5 months. Why? Because I LOVE the results. I have lost 25 pounds, look and feel younger, and have more energy. As awful as I feel while actively doing my workouts, I feel better all day long on the days that I do them. I may never fully understand this phenomena but I am rolling with it because it is working. Buying new clothes in smaller sizes feels really great. Success is a huge motivator. When I am laying in bed avoiding the morning's scheduled sweat session I try to keep the vision of the next lower pants' size in my mind, and like the carrot to the horse it keeps me going. It's not all about vanity either. I have realized that I am at the age now where I have to work at this a little if I want many strong healthy years ahead with my family. Youth is a beautiful thing. No matter what you do you seem to stay trim and spry. Past forty though it requires effort and...yes... the dreaded sweat. But it is worth it to be able to play with my family. Funny thing too. The more I stick with this the less I hate it. Could this mean that one day I too will run by with a smile on my face? Maybe. Or maybe not. But I am grateful today that I CAN run. So like it or not I will keep at this exercise business. No pain no gain as they say.

Plants

Things that went right today:

1) Finally got the little boys' room somewhat organized

2) Neighbor brought us some halloween cake and introduced herself.

3) Movie night at home with the kids

Imagine that you have two plants. Both healthy and vibrant. But you only have enough water and food for one of them each day. What do you do? You could give half to each plant. Over time they would both probably survive but would likely begin to droop some and lose their rich color. They would look sickly and sad even though they were still alive. Or you could pick which one you liked best and give it all of the attention. With adequate amounts of water and sunlight and fertilizer it will thrive and grow. The unnourished plant on the other hand will putter along for a short while until it one day dies from neglect. Partly because it had no food to grow on, but also because as so often happens in the natural world the healthy plant will probably have started to grow over it and choke it out.

So it is within each of us. We each have two sides to our personalities. The "bad guy" or biblical natural man side so to speak. And the "good guy" or spiritual part of our natures. Remember the old cartoons where they would show a character with an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other? Both trying to influence him or her to their way of seeing things? Actually I don't think that is too far off of the truth. Symbolically of course. A battle rages within each of us every day to determine who we really are. And who we want to be. Which side will win depends entirely on us. Like the plants it will come down to which side we choose to feed. Which side we give nourishment and attention to. I can attempt in life to hang onto both, but since there is only so much "me" to go around that will probably result in a fractured sense of self, with neither side really thriving. Or I can consciously choose today which attributes I want to develop to form the character I truly desire. And then I can live them to the fullest. Give them my time. Give them my study. Give them the space and energy they need to expand and grow until they overpower less desirable traits. We do command our own destinies in spite of the fact that it seems at times that life is tossing us around some. Today I choose to become a more thankful and happy person. To show love and compassion to others. To serve and to help my brothers and sisters in this world. This is who I want to be. It is a lifelong process of becoming our best selves, just like with plants that need food and water every day to stay strong. A one time feeding will not do it. This blog is an effort to help focus and then refocus over and over again on joy and gratitude and the gifts of love and life. To help me grow into the woman I most want to be. Thank you so much to those friends and loved ones who are coming along for the ride with me. It means a lot.

Building furniture

Things that went right today:

1) Got Heather's dresser built finally

2) It's Friday! It's Friday! It's Friday!

3) Hired a fence company to install our new fence...will make things so much easier with the dogs.

Ok so you know the furniture that says "some assembly required"? Um...they probably should have said "assembly required...plan on this taking you all day until you really wish you had just paid more for preassembled furniture". That would be a more accurate description. The surgeon general should require them to put on the box that assembly can be hazardous to your physical and mental health.

It all started out wonderfully. My 13 year old son and I embarked on the dresser building project full of enthusiasm...feeling very confident in our abilities and excited to prove ourselves. We chatted and told jokes and were having a fabulous time working together side by side. It was a regular Norman Rockwell painting moment actually. Beam forward in time about 4 hours. We were still smiling, but the project had long since lost it's allure and it was getting dark and late. Our arms were tired and we were really hungry. (the slice of pizza that had been brought up to us was not really cutting it) Jump ahead another two hours...starting to get a little crabby now, panicking about getting homework done before bed, but still we had smiles on our faces because we were finally almost done. The cabinet was finished, the drawers were assembled and three out of four were in. Then came the 4 th and final drawer. Disaster!!! It did not fit. We were incredulous. It would almost go in but seemed to be getting hung up on something, and we could not figure out what. We remeasured the drawers. It was exactly like the rest of them. We just could not understand why it would not go in like it should. Ok...smiles totally gone now replaced by frustrated grimaces. We tried just cramming the drawer in. Not sure why we thought that would work? Took us awhile to figure out that there was one small piece on the bottom of the dresser that had two little grooves in it. When we slid it onto this other piece we had used the bottom groove instead of the top one and so the piece was now sitting about 1/4 inch too high which made the drawer opening ever so slightly too small. We sat back feeling very defeated. Now what? We seriously considered just throwing the dumb dresser away and calling pottery barn. OR just accepting that the bottom drawer was a bust and leaving the gaping hole there forever. Neither option seemed ideal after all of the time we had already committed though. We wanted to finish what we had started, but realized it was going to be very complicated at this point. You see there were about 29 steps involved in building this dresser. This error had occurred on approximately step 8...way back in the beginning and we had since completed a bunch of other steps that basically had set step 8 in stone...or so it seemed. To correct the problem we fortunately did not have to undo ALL of the previous steps. Some of them stayed intact. But we did have to take apart one whole side of the dresser which added about another 45 minutes onto an already long and arduous task. In the end we did prevail. The dresser is now in fully functioning order holding my daughter's clothes and we are glad we took the time to make it right. So what did we learn from all of this???

I will admit that at first I was angry at the furniture company (who will remain nameless here) I mean why did they not emphasize the importance of which groove to use during that phase? And why the heck were there two grooves anyway??? One of them was completely irrelevant and only served to confuse us. So why put it there in the first place when this was obviously an important step. It wasn't used for anything. But once I settled down and really looked at the instructions I realized that the diagram clearly showed the piece inserted into the proper groove. It was not highlighted or anything but if we had been paying closer attention we would have noticed it. I still contend that the second groove was some sort of perverse joke played by someone at the nameless company, but that is not really important. What I learned was that it is a MUST to follow directions to the letter. Not just in furniture building but in life. Taking short cuts or cutting corners can get us into trouble. Also I learned that the quicker you can correct a mistake the easier it is to correct. If we had discovered our error on step 9 it would have been a cinch to fix, but down the road we were more committed to the incorrect path and it was far more painful to solve. Isn't life like that too? An example of this is lying...we might tell a lie as a quick fix to an issue but then end up having to tell many more to justify the first. Before we know it we are dug in deep. I love the quote by Sir Walter Scott (I think?) "Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive" Isn't that true? When we make mistakes...let's fix them fast. So much easier that way. I learned that little things can have big effects. The offending piece at first glance seemed minor and comparatively unimportant. Just the bottom rail of the dresser. But it made all the difference. Who knew that the small tip of that distant iceberg could sink the mighty Titanic right? It is important to not take things for granted and give heed and respect even to the small things. I also learned the satisfaction of a job well done. As worn out as we were we felt a great sense of pride standing back and admiring the finished product. We had worked hard. Had we left it 'wrong" it would have always bothered us. This way in the end our efforts had a purpose. That feels really good. Most importantly I learned that working on a project together is a great way to get to know your teenager better. You have LOTS of time to talk which is the perk of a day like this one. Getting the dresser built was only a secondary blessing. The most valuable part of today was spending time with my son. I am so thankful this day for our hours of unrushed conversation. It meant so much to me. We still have a desk and a hutch to build together. I think we may take a few days breather first before tackling them though. We are still a little raw from the whole dresser debacle. But I know this...if faced again with two grooves, we will make darn sure we use the right one next time. And we will try to keep smiling no matter what.

Burned popcorn

Things that went right today:

1) Got a new microwave! (see below)

2) Finally figured out how to program the new high tech microwave (I am technologically challenged so this is a huge thing for me)

3) Think I am finally about done with change of address phone calls. Yeah. Who knew we were connected to so many people, places, and things?

I walked into the kitchen today to see smoke billowing profusely from the microwave in the corner. It filled the room more rapidly than imaginable and burned our eyes and throats. The children all had to go outside because it was making them sick and dizzy. Turns out that my sweet daughter was trying to help her brother make some microwave popcorn and did not fully understand how to use the microwave at the new house. She accidentally set the timer for 30 minutes instead of three. Whoops. We spent the next few hours trying to get the smoke smell out of the house, but smoke is insidious and gets into everything. It will be a long time I think before there is not a slight popcorn smell that greets you when you enter our home. Nice! But as I pondered the situation throughout the day (it continually came to mind as I choked on the odor) I found a lot of lessons to be learned. So here is what the "parable of the burned popcorn" taught me today:

1) Even with vast amounts of smoke not one of our smoke detectors went off. Time to check the batteries. These are the kinds of things that we tend to put off or just forget to think about don't we? But early warning can save your life in an emergency. I am grateful today that this was not an electrical fire that happened while we were sleeping. Could have ended much differently. So this was a good reminder.

2) When I pulled the microwave apart to try to clean it I discovered that underneath the turntable the bottom was completely corroded and rusted out to the metal (we didn't check this in the walk through). Upon more careful inspection I noticed a few other questionable safety issues as well so the microwave was therefore consigned to the trash bin. Perhaps had the popcorn not burned we would have continued to use it for a long time. And it was likely not safe to do so. So what initially seemed like a bad thing actually alerted us to a bigger problem. Life is funny that way isn't it? Guess we need to learn to roll with the hard times and have faith that we will ultimately be blessed.

3) I ran over to the grocery store in the afternoon and forgot to change my shirt before leaving. I did not realize until I was standing in the school supplies isle that I absolutely REEKED of smoke. I had been smelling it all day so I guess I had stopped noticing to some degree. But when the woman next to me kept giving me funny looks I was suddenly quite conscious of my unsavory aroma. She undoubtedly assumed that I was a very heavy smoker which amused me since I have never smoked a cigarette in my life. The lesson I learned has nothing to do with the hazards of smoking however, but more to do with being careful of first impressions. Things are not always as they seem. The lady at the store would not have immediately thought..."oh they must have burned popcorn at their house today", even though that was exactly what had happened. I wonder how often I make assumptions about people that are simply false and if I knew the real story I would view them entirely differently? When someone is speeding and cuts you off on the road it is easy to assume they are a self centered jerk. Maybe they are. But what if you knew that their wife was just in a serious accident and was in critical condition at the hospital? Wouldn't you just try hard to get out of the way so they could hurry past? Totally different mindset even though their actions remained the same. So I think it is important to always give others the benefit of the doubt and presume good things. Innocent until proven guilty right?

4) The most important lesson I learned today is this: Kids have to learn. Our job as parents is to teach them what we can. Work with them. And then get out of the way and let them practice. Critical to this process is allowing them to make mistakes. It is easy on days like this to want to say "I will just do it myself from now on". It would be easier in so many ways wouldn't it? There would be less mess. Things would get done just the way we like them to. Our way is far more reliable than their way in almost every instance. But the trouble is if we never let a person try (and sometimes fail) than they can never progress. I feel that a home is a training ground for kids. That is one of the most important functions of the family unit. To help young people grow into responsible adults. But I fear that in too many homes these days helicopter parents and nannies are performing functions that kids could very well do for themselves. My kids swear that most of their friends have no chores. They may be right. So many homes have housekeepers and yard services instead of the family doing these jobs together. Don't get me wrong. I think these things are fine. But we do need to remember that if we do not teach our children to do these household tasks and let them learn through experience than they will have no idea how to care for themselves and their property when they move out of the house. I may get a housekeeper once a month to help me out, but need to teach my kids during the other three weeks. If we do not educate them about money through an allowance program they will not magically know how to manage it at age 20. If we don't let them help us in the kitchen or with the laundry they will struggle finding routines to live by in their first apartments. There will absolutely be mistakes...clothes that shrink that were not supposed to be put in the dryer, too much salt in the pot roast that makes it inedible, whatever. But I would far rather they make these errors while still at home so I can help them figure out solutions and correct whatever things they did not understand so they can improve the next time around. Baby steps toward independence. That is the goal. But in the process of raising a confident, assertive, self sufficient young lady I am going to have to deal with a little burned popcorn now and then. It's well worth it.

I am grateful today for a little girl whose heart was in the right place...trying to make a treat for her brother. And I am grateful for the lessons that life's unexpected messes can teach me.

Pretty

Things that went right today:

1) got truck packed up for our move tomorrow

2) reached my next mini weight loss goal

3) Leaves are changing in the neighborhood

The teachers aide in my son's Kindergarten class told me I was pretty today. It came out of the blue and it has been a long time since I thought of myself as pretty at all so it took me by surprise. Ok I know she was just being polite and that she is so nice she probably says that to everyone. So I will not let it go to my head. Even still though, she made me feel really good today. She will likely not give our conversation another thought, but now I get to spend the whole day feeling...well...pretty. Amazing what a simple compliment can do for your self esteem. It got me wondering how often during the day I think kind thoughts about other people? "That color looks really great on her" or "What a polite kid he is" or "She is such a thoughtful person" or "He is an amazingly talented artist". I realized that quite often actually a compliment for someone has come to mind, but I haven't always taken the time to give voice to it. So unless they were mind readers they never knew. How sad is that? It really only takes a few seconds and a sentence or two to bring a smile to someone else's face, and to let them know you admire them. Don't we all need those pats on the back sometimes? Sure we do. So I am resolving today to be a more frequent "back patter". My mother always told me, "If you can't say something nice than don't say anything at all". This is excellent advice, and I think the reverse is also true. When we do think nice things about others we SHOULD speak up and say them. Out loud! I am thankful today for the teacher's aide who boosted my spirits this morning with her friendly words. And I am grateful for the reminder to spread a little more of that same brand of sunshine to others.