Flying the coop

Things that went right today:

1) My son got accepted to the college he wanted to go to.

2) Got a ton of de-cluttering done...feels so good.

3) LOST is on tonight! We are obsessed with that show.

My son found out today that he got accepted to the University of his choice. He is so excited and his announcement had us all cheering and hugging. He will be living in a safe environment. Great school. The same school his father, myself and his older brother have attended. He will be near his grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles and will have sunday dinners with them. It's all good and wonderful. So why is there a lump in my throat and a tug in my heart?

I suppose it is because it means he will be leaving soon. And not just down the street to a friend's house to play. Really leaving. To the other side of the country. It helps that I have lived there myself and can picture the places he will be. Some. It helps that we have discovered Skype so we will be able to see his face when we talk to him on Sunday evenings. But what about when I want to hug him? It helps that I know what a mature and responsible young man he is. I know he will be doing good things. I know that he will be exactly where he should be. I know he will learn so many important things and make wonderful lifelong friends. I know he will be safe. I know we will see him at Christmas break. I know he will be having a ton of fun. Most of all I know that he is ready. More than ready. He has always had a wisdom beyond his years and abilities that amaze me. He will tackle this new challenge with the same creativity and adaptability that he has exhibited all of his life. I know he will thrive. But is it selfish of me to admit that even though I know he is ready...maybe I am not? I am thinking of the little boy who used to curl my hair around his finger while I read him bedtime stories. And the curly brown hair that I let grow way too long because I could not bear to cut it. He was my sweet little shadow. Never let me get too far out of sight. And what about the hours and hours and hours spent watching (and volunteering at) diving, karate, soccer, basketball, and football games while he was younger? And then swimming, cross country and track in recent years. Will I ever time a swim meet again? I loved being a den mother and room mother. I love being his mother in every way. Does he know this? Does he really know?

I have been so proud watching him earn sports and art awards. His eagle scout award. Delighted at his good choices to be baptized, to serve his community, to have the courage to start a business on his own and the ingenuity to make it a success. I miss some things that drove me crazy at the time. Like the camping stoves that he discovered he could make out of tuna cans (and soup cans and well..pretty much anything) I was convinced he would burn the house down but he never did. And the way he climbed everything from the bookshelves to the door frames. He was our little monkey.

I watched him go through braces and glasses...and heartbreak caused by me when I made him move to a new home halfway through highschool. He was angry, but he forgave me anyway. And characteristically jumped in and made the best of a difficult situation. That's just the way he is.

Have I taught him everything he needs to know? Will he be lonely? Does he know that his mother believes in God with all of her heart? Have I imparted enough of that faith to him so he can feel comforted and guided out there on his own? Does he know that even from afar he will be in my prayers every single day and in my heart every minute? Does he know that I would give my life for him? He is a quiet soul. I don't always know what is on his mind like I do with some of my other children. I suddenly feel time is very short and I hope I have done and said all that I should have.

I am so very happy for him. I would not change this if I could. The time is right. He needs to spread his wings now and fly to the next phase of his life. It will be exciting to see it all unfold for him. It is just as it should be. Knowing he will not be at our Thanksgiving table feels wrong on one level but deep in my heart I know it is very very right. I love this boy and will love watching him grow into the man he is destined to be. Time to get ready Mommy. The chick is about the fly the coop. I am grateful today for the opportunity to be a mother. And for my son. Congratulations sweetie!!! You're gonna love it!!!

Chocolate

Things that went right today:

1) Valentine's day. I am a sucker for holidays. Even the overly commercial ones.

2) Beautiful bouquet of flowers on the table from my sweetheart

3) Recovering more each day from my surgery. I feel half human again.

For Valentine's Day my husband sent me flowers and chocolate, just as he has for most of the 23 Valentine's Days we have known each other. And just as in all of those previous years they made me blissfully happy. It would seem that over time something like that would get old, but yet it never does. Chocolate is one of life's few constants I think...it never fails to bring us joy! Seriously. Now don't get me wrong I am not addicted or anything. I just like it. Ok I like it a LOT, but I could stop if I ever wanted to. I could. But why would I want to? It comes in so many wonderful varieties and all of them make me smile. Just in this one box I have found caramel filled ones, orange and strawberry creams, and nut clusters for that added crunch. The toffee ones make me swoon and the butter creams are a bit like what I know heaven must be like. On a day when life is feeling rather drab and ordinary, a Toblerone bar can take me to Europe. They really know how to do chocolate over there don't they? While sitting through a movie what is better than munching on delectable chocolates? Junior mints are perfect for the funny ones. Rolos for the scary ones. Heath bars for the action films. And what suits a romance more than dove chocolates? M & M's are always good. Regular and peanut both. They are so versatile. As are Snickers, which in my humble opinion are the ultimate chocolate bars. Except perhaps for those new bite sized Ghirardelli chocolate squares. Having grown up near San Francisco those connect me to my roots right? So they are important. I have many fond memories of visiting Ghirardelli square and of the intoxicating smell of melted chocolate that filled the air. Ahhhh that was great! Oh and how could I not mention Reeses? I am not sure who ever thought to pair chocolate with peanut butter in the first place, but I feel deeply in their debt. Chocolate, in addition to deliciousness, seems to have the power to calm the troubled heart. On a "blue" day a bowl of ice cream can make the world seem a little brighter can't it? Come on now, you know it's true. And date night is even more fun when sharing a brownie sundae with hot fudge sauce. My mind is racing now as I think of all of the chocolate loves of my life...Butterfingers, Milky Way, Twix, chocolate oranges at christmas, and the ever popular Girl Scout thin mint cookies. What is it that makes those so darn good anyway? I could seriously eat a whole sleeve of those in one sitting (Not that I actually would of course...well ok maybe I have which is how I know I can? I'll never tell)

It has just now occurred to me that perhaps I AM addicted after all? Oh dear. I am mildly alarmed at this realization, but have to be honest and admit that I don't intend to reform too soon . Hot chocolate on a snowy day makes me feel all cozy and warm inside, and we are having record snowfall this year. So in a way it is medicinal right? I will see if I can change in the Spring. But not until after Easter. I need at least one more Cadbury egg in this lifetime. For today I am grateful for chocolate. And for my Valentine who gave me some. Thanks honey! Kisses to you (no not just the chocolate kind). Love you!

ER

Things that went right today:

1) A pet groomer that comes to my house. How awesome is that?

2) My nasty cold is almost gone

3) Painted my fingernails purple for fun

On Friday night as the pizza was arriving and shortly before we were due to take the family to the movies our plans took a sudden turn. We heard a door slam followed by screaming and ran upstairs to find blood. A lot of it. Coming from my five year old son's finger. We couldn't see it very well but could tell it was pretty bad so we wrapped it up in a towel and dashed to the urgent care nearby. As the doctor there unwrapped the towel her shocked expression told the tale. It was worse than we had initially realized. The bleeding had slowed by then so we could now see that the top segment of his index finger was actually about 50% severed. The room did a little spin for me as I absorbed what I was seeing. My poor oldest son who was there was also stunned. He wants to be a doctor someday and as such has seen a lot of surgeries and things, but this was hard even for him to see because it involved his little brother. The urgent care people assessed quickly that this was beyond their ability to treat at their facility. So we had to get back in the car and drive him over to the hospital 15 minutes away. This was one of the longest drives of my life. As much as the dr had tried to be reassuring it was evident she was not sure what was going to happen to his finger. That it was serious. And I had to stay focused and drive. My eldest had given our little patient a quick priesthood blessing in the urgent care parking lot which had done a lot to calm my nerves, but it still took all of the courage I could muster to smile back at my sweet guy and tell him not to worry. That Mommy was there and it was all going to be ok. He was so scared, but amazingly brave. Braver than I felt inside for sure. At the emergency room of the hospital the staff there got him right in and immediately called in a plastic surgeon to do the repair. While waiting for him to arrive an x ray revealed that the tip of his finger bone was also broken. All in all we were there for about 6 hours but at the end of those we came home very grateful. First for tender mercies and a competent surgeon. With such a severe cut we had feared the worst in terms of recovery. But by a miracle the break was above the growth plate and joint so should heal fine with no lasting damage and we are pretty sure the cut bypassed the nerves. So while it is still too soon to tell, he will more than likely regain full mobility and most of the feeling in his finger as well. He will need some hand therapy sessions for sure, but should make a full recovery with no more than a nasty scar that he can brag to his friends about at school. As frightening as it was, it could have been so much worse. It hurts to see your children hurting, but my heart is full of gratitude today that my little one will be alright.

I am also so thankful for the wonderful staff at the hospital. I cannot say enough to describe how good they were to us. They brought my son toys and made him laugh. They held my hand. They brought us food. They were so kind and warm and loving. There were not just medical professionals...they were true caregivers. If I had to spend 6 hours in a hospital that night I couldn't have asked for a nicer group of folks to spend it with. They made me feel calm and safe even in a scary situation. I will always love them for that gift.

Steak salad

Things that went right today:

1) Got my computer back!

2) My son's surgeon saved his broken finger

3) Got a yummy loaf of bread from a friend

I offered to take my son out to lunch a few months ago. Without thinking through the potential consequences I told him he could choose where we went. We were near our home at the neighborhood shopping center and of course he selected a place that was within his line of sight at the time (with teenage boys it is important for food to be close at hand...no waiting). He also chose the place with the most "guy" energy. Naturally. The sports bar on the corner. I had seen it before but had deliberately avoided it. Sports theme restaurants are not really my dining destination of choice typically. They are usually smokey and loud and seem more like a venue for a end of the year soccer party than a planned meal. Not to mention that you can generally assume that the menu is packed with artery clogging fare which is not on my current diet plan. Plus it was obvious from the outside that this one was definitely a bar first...restaurant second. But true to my promise off we went.

We got inside and it pretty much was what I had expected. Huge TV screens blasting too many different games at high volume to do justice to any of them. Smoke, lights, total sensory overload. But I figured it was a fun way to spend time with my son anyway so I was upbeat...especially since to my pleasant surprise I discovered a steak salad on the menu. Things were looking up. And then came the bread. All I can say is...well...heaven sent! Seriously. Light fluffy rolls with a hint of honey taste to them. Melt in the mouth goodness. So I ate three. There went the diet but I did not even care. They were worth it. Not long after arrived the best steak salad I have ever tasted. I cannot really define what makes it so wonderful. It's a pretty ordinary salad really, but something about it makes my mouth water just thinking of it. The steak was perfectly cooked and seasoned. I am not usually much of a steak person but I LOVED that salad. I scarfed every morsel and would have licked the plate if I thought I could have gotten away with it. No kidding. For the following week I thought of that salad ridiculously often until I couldn't stand it anymore and made my husband take me back. He raised his brows a little in amusement when I begged to go to the sports bar, but he sensed my desperation and has learned over time that it can be dangerous to get between me and a food craving. So off we went and guess what? He loved his kabobs too. Now over the past few months we have been back a half dozen times. We have become a bit obsessed actually. It is kind of getting embarrassing now so we may need to hold off for awhile, but every time I go I have the same thing....Steak salad and yummy rolls. And every time I leave stuffed and satisfied. Bliss!

So the moral of the story? I am thankful this day that I followed my son's lead. That I tried something out of my comfort zone. Had I followed my own instincts and habits I would have missed out on so much deliciousness. Sometimes it pays to try something new. Or give a second look before judging something's worth. There are treasures untold that can be ours if we are not too blind or afraid to discover them.

Books

Things that went right today:

1) My son come homes from college this week

2) Christmas story and cookie baking night with the kids tonight

3) got the Christmas packages all mailed off

I decided to start a new tradition this year and give every family member a book for Christmas. The kids at first kind of rolled their eyes like, "Come on Mom..really?" But I was undaunted. Determined to pass on my love of reading to my children. Some of them have caught the vision but others not so much. As a former English major this has distressed me greatly. Books have been the source of so much joy for me. I want them to feel that too. Why do I care? Well to begin with the books they requested say a lot. One got a collection of princess stories. One a romance. Another an autobiography of an ultra marathon runner. One a Christmas story. One a collection of adventures. And so on. All so different but perfect for their tastes. There is something for everyone in a bookstore. The trick is to match the individual to the book that will come alive for them at that time.

Books can unlock so many doors. We can learn a new skill or be inspired by the story of someone who overcame hardship. Be swept away to another time and place. We can get a sense of history. Or escape to a fantasy world. Discover truths about our own natures as we identify with the characters on the pages. What a great way to learn from the foibles and successes of others without having to live them ourselves. We can revel in beautiful poetry. Travel to distant lands. Come to understand the thoughts and feelings of people who differ from us. Weep and rejoice. Find new dreams to dream. Books are magical. Books can teach us. Books can set us free and remind us that our ordinary lives are part of a bigger picture. There is so much out there to see and do and know. More than we can do within the normal limits of time and space...except for in books.

I may never speak face to face with a nobel peace prize winner or travel to Tibet. I will definitely never orbit the earth or slay a dragon. But in a book...I can.

Today I am grateful for the books that have touched my life. For the lessons I have learned and the fun I have had. I look forward to many more adventures ahead.