Flying the coop

Things that went right today:

1) My son got accepted to the college he wanted to go to.

2) Got a ton of de-cluttering done...feels so good.

3) LOST is on tonight! We are obsessed with that show.

My son found out today that he got accepted to the University of his choice. He is so excited and his announcement had us all cheering and hugging. He will be living in a safe environment. Great school. The same school his father, myself and his older brother have attended. He will be near his grandparents, cousins and aunts and uncles and will have sunday dinners with them. It's all good and wonderful. So why is there a lump in my throat and a tug in my heart?

I suppose it is because it means he will be leaving soon. And not just down the street to a friend's house to play. Really leaving. To the other side of the country. It helps that I have lived there myself and can picture the places he will be. Some. It helps that we have discovered Skype so we will be able to see his face when we talk to him on Sunday evenings. But what about when I want to hug him? It helps that I know what a mature and responsible young man he is. I know he will be doing good things. I know that he will be exactly where he should be. I know he will learn so many important things and make wonderful lifelong friends. I know he will be safe. I know we will see him at Christmas break. I know he will be having a ton of fun. Most of all I know that he is ready. More than ready. He has always had a wisdom beyond his years and abilities that amaze me. He will tackle this new challenge with the same creativity and adaptability that he has exhibited all of his life. I know he will thrive. But is it selfish of me to admit that even though I know he is ready...maybe I am not? I am thinking of the little boy who used to curl my hair around his finger while I read him bedtime stories. And the curly brown hair that I let grow way too long because I could not bear to cut it. He was my sweet little shadow. Never let me get too far out of sight. And what about the hours and hours and hours spent watching (and volunteering at) diving, karate, soccer, basketball, and football games while he was younger? And then swimming, cross country and track in recent years. Will I ever time a swim meet again? I loved being a den mother and room mother. I love being his mother in every way. Does he know this? Does he really know?

I have been so proud watching him earn sports and art awards. His eagle scout award. Delighted at his good choices to be baptized, to serve his community, to have the courage to start a business on his own and the ingenuity to make it a success. I miss some things that drove me crazy at the time. Like the camping stoves that he discovered he could make out of tuna cans (and soup cans and well..pretty much anything) I was convinced he would burn the house down but he never did. And the way he climbed everything from the bookshelves to the door frames. He was our little monkey.

I watched him go through braces and glasses...and heartbreak caused by me when I made him move to a new home halfway through highschool. He was angry, but he forgave me anyway. And characteristically jumped in and made the best of a difficult situation. That's just the way he is.

Have I taught him everything he needs to know? Will he be lonely? Does he know that his mother believes in God with all of her heart? Have I imparted enough of that faith to him so he can feel comforted and guided out there on his own? Does he know that even from afar he will be in my prayers every single day and in my heart every minute? Does he know that I would give my life for him? He is a quiet soul. I don't always know what is on his mind like I do with some of my other children. I suddenly feel time is very short and I hope I have done and said all that I should have.

I am so very happy for him. I would not change this if I could. The time is right. He needs to spread his wings now and fly to the next phase of his life. It will be exciting to see it all unfold for him. It is just as it should be. Knowing he will not be at our Thanksgiving table feels wrong on one level but deep in my heart I know it is very very right. I love this boy and will love watching him grow into the man he is destined to be. Time to get ready Mommy. The chick is about the fly the coop. I am grateful today for the opportunity to be a mother. And for my son. Congratulations sweetie!!! You're gonna love it!!!