Fire Drill

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Up early to greet the day
2) Air conditioner broken...grateful for the rain that cooled down the house
3) New garbage disposal goes in this morning.

We woke up yesterday morning to the blaring sound of our smoke alarms going off all over the house. We saw no flames and smelled no smoke, but when I was unable to figure out the cause I ushered the kids outside and called the fire department and told them what was going on. They sent out a crew who checked things out and finally determined that there was a weird short in this old alarm system that we had never activated in the ten years we had lived here.   We didn't even think it worked, but it seems that when one unit goes awry it sets off the alarms in the whole system. Anyway, I felt kind of embarrassed to have had the fire fighters come out when there wasn't even a real fire, but they were very kind and assured me I had done the right thing by calling. My little boys thought it was very exciting to see the trucks pull into the cul-de-sac, and this time it turned out to be only a fire drill thankfully. But it was definitely a wake up call. We are spending some time this week revamping our family fire safety plan and installing some new alarms.  I would encourage each of you to do the same.

But the most important thing I was reminded of yesterday was that people are all that counts. Stuff doesn't matter a bit. After I made sure all of the kids and pets were safely outside, I went back into the house to grab anything else I was worried about losing, just in case. It was funny...I wandered around aimlessly for a few minutes before realizing that there really wasn't a single thing inside worth going to heroic efforts for. That everything that I truly cared about was already standing outside. We have nice furniture, knick knacks, etc that we like a lot. But if we lost it all I realized it would be inconvenient, but not earth shattering. It's just things. All replaceable. Of monetary value only. So I walked out of the house with only my purse, knowing that no matter what happened I could be at peace. I am thankful today for the service of the local fire department to my family and to the community each and every day. I am thankful that this turned out to be nothing more than a minor problem this time. And I'm thankful for the reminder that even if all of my earthly possessions disappeared in a sudden tragedy, that all would still be right with the world if my family was by my side.

Focus

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Pirates of the Carribean...great movie
2) Jillian Michaels 30 day shred...ouch...but in a good way
3) Starting work on a book with my son.

My son is a talented photographer. He has the tools and expertise necessary to take an ordinary scene and focus your attention on one single aspect of it, like in the photo above. He's tried to explain to me how to do it. I've heard words like aperture and exposure etc, but I still have no idea how to take anything but a regular picture.  Ryan's practiced eye sees things differently than mine though.  I would have looked down at the view and seen a bunch of kids running around campus. But he saw one thoughtful young girl trying to have a peaceful moment in a sea of chaos. He wanted others to see what he saw, so he honed in on just her. So even though the rest of the people in the picture are still visible and remain present, our focus is only on the girl in the pink...wondering what she is thinking or feeling. The story is about her alone. The rest became background only. A photographer's ability to capture a vision like this comes from study, patience, having the right equipment and most of all from practice.  Trying various techniques over and over until you figure out what works and what doesn't. Until creating great shots becomes almost instinctual.

The focus feature on my life's internal lens is thankfulness. It is the tool I use to take the craziness of life and zoom in on the parts I choose to pay the most attention to. Doing this doesn't make problems go away or mean that you ignore them. They are still there as background and are dealt with as needed. But it helps me draw out the beautiful and wonderful things contained in each day. Fade out the rest somewhat and see with different eyes. Just like photography, this takes patience and practice. At first this lifestyle can feel a little forced or awkward if you are accustomed to the negative ruling your emotions. It requires a conscious effort to retrain our vision until it becomes habitual to allow the happiness and gratitude in. The more you do it, the more natural it will feel. The easier it will be to get back on track if you have a hard day. You'll see the good in things more readily and frequently.  And you'll be more capable of conveying that vision to the people you come in contact with as well.

My challenge to all of us this week, including myself, is to think in your mind's eye of a photo lens and try to capture a new vision of whatever is happening around you. Focus in on the blessings or positive aspects of any situation and see how much better you feel.

Breathe in - Breathe out!

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Went for a run on a cool morning.
2) The sound of my little boys laughing in the other room.
3) Mint and chocolate together.


All this talk about counting your blessings...focusing on the positive...being happy and full of faith no matter what...Loving unconditionally....It only works for people who have no real problems right? I must talk like this because I've never really known suffering. If I had been through any actual hard stuff I would feel differently right? That's an easy way to think sometimes when we are hurting. That no one else could possibly understand what we are going through. That our particular problems are too big to just "think positive" and make them go away. That all those happy people out there wouldn't be if they had experienced what we have.

I'm here today to promise you that gratitude is for everyone. In fact, the bigger your problems are the more power it is likely to have in your life. The more of a compelling force it can become and the more of a healing balm it can be.

I am no stranger to pain. My parents divorced when I was young and I had a very abusive step father for ten years. Thankfully now my Mom is married to a wonderful, kind, loving man, but those years were rough.  I have seen addiction and alcohol slowly destroy many people that I love. Currently I am in the middle of some extremely difficult personal circumstances. Both physically and emotionally. I don't talk about them much, because I am making the CHOICE to let thankful living be the driving force in my heart, and therefore in my life. It is a daily decision to turn toward the positive and embrace joy. Some days it is easier to accomplish that than others. There are mornings when I wake up wondering how I am going to do it that day. Being a grateful person doesn't mean you never cry. It doesn't mean you never feel sorry for yourself or have a tantrum. It doesn't mean you never get overwhelmed, or upset, or angry, or make mistakes or say the wrong thing. It doesn't mean you never feel doubt or fear. It doesn't mean you go into denial about the reality of people or situations, and just hum a happy tune to cover them over. Thankful living is far more than that. It is about truly changing your heart. Creating the tools you need to overcome hardship with strength and dignity. To stand back up whenever you fall down, and then turn and lift others as well. To keep trying when you want to quit. To say, "I'm sorry" when you mess up, and offer forgiveness too.  It's about learning to tap into your own inner voice that speaks with calmness and faith. To remain vulnerable rather than put up walls. To see the rainbows instead of just the rain.  It's about accepting that pain is a universal part of the human condition. It touches everyone. We cannot deny that or completely avoid it. The trick in this life is to learn to live through it. To love through it. To laugh through it too. The problems will exist whether we laugh or cry. So why not laugh?

Some days the stars just align and all goes well. Gratitude springs from within us easily on days like these. But what about the times when everything feels wrong? How do you choose gratitude on a day like that? What about if you are injured, or heartbroken, or exhausted, or facing severe challenges? What about the days when you cannot think of anything that went right at all?

Stop and pause for moment. Clear your mind. Breathe in - breathe out. Go outside and feel the sun on your face if you can. Listen to the sounds of nature. Drink in the beauty around you. What if it's cloudy? Find someone you love and give them a hug then. But what if you're alone? What if...what if...what if...what if all you can do is breathe? Then just do that. In and out. Deep breaths. Calming your spirit. Don't think about anything at all for a time. Tomorrow is another day. Today just breathe in - breathe out. Be still. In that stillness clarity comes. Don't try to force gratitude. Be still and let it come to you. In that quiet state, focusing on simply breathing, answers will come. Happy thoughts will suddenly surprise you.  Hope will dawn. Patience and peace too. Just breathe and let thankfulness flow in on its own. This gets easier every time you do it.  I promise.

Middle Aged

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Big birthday hug from my 6 year old this morning
2) Well wishes from dear friends. Thank you all.
3) Going out to dinner tonight. No need to cook.

Ok so I read this morning that the average life expectancy in the United States is 78 years old. Today is my 43rd birthday, so I guess that makes me officially middle aged. Yikes!!! When the heck did THAT happen? A couple years ago my son called me old. I argued that I was no such thing and he said, "Mom...when you were my age, would YOU have thought you were old?" UM...reality check. Yeah, I guess I would have. Hmmmm. Who knew? Middle aged just isn't as old as I used to think it was.  Perspective is a funny thing isn't it? ;-)

I am grateful today day for another year to be alive. For friends and family that love and support me. Excited to see what this next year holds in store. I hope by age 44 to have a couple of books out in print and my website fully launched and thriving.  To finally figure out youtube! To be actively sharing the gratitude lifestyle with others in broader ways. To be fully living it every single day myself too and reaping all the joy it brings with it.

 It would be tempting to go back and be 23 again and have that youthful body and energy level. But I wouldn't want to give up the wisdom I have gained with time and experience. It's also interesting to think about beaming ahead to a time when I will travel more and have less daily responsibility on my shoulders. But yet, I wouldn't want to miss a thing. So I am contented today to be exactly where I am. The message of this blog is to be thankful for THIS day! Here and now. Blessings and troubles all weaving together into the life I am blessed to live right this very minute. Dreaming big dreams. Learning new things. Play and laughter a priority. Loving and serving others. Learning to roll with the punches.  43 is awesome!!! Middle aged is a wonderful place to be. Bring on the cake!!!

Bend, Bounce and Spin

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Going to see "Hoodwinked" tonight with the kids.
2) Mani/ pedi later!
3) Love the new goodwill drop off boxes all over town. So much more convenient than calling them and waiting for them to pick up.

I'm trying to convey some life lessens to my children that I believe will help them throughout their lives. So for the past several months we've had a family motto posted on the wall of our kitchen:

Bend, Bounce and Spin

BEND: When the wind blows and the rains come, it is not always the tallest trees or those with the largest trunks that stand. The trees that survive the storms are those that are able to bend, absorb the impact and sway through it. Flexibility is an important trait for people too. So much of what happens to us in this life is beyond our control. While holding fast to our core principles, we need to learn to bend when necessary - to adjust to new realities as they come along and make course corrections as needed. Life is an adventure...keep swaying and you won't break.

BOUNCE: Sometimes, no matter what we do, things will happen in our lives that will knock us down for a time. The trick is in always striving to bounce back when that happens. On the trampoline, putting all of our energy into getting a good bounce can send us soaring higher than we've ever been before. It can be a little scary sometimes, but so much more fun than sitting in a heap on the ground. So when life brings you down, put some muscle into bouncing back - these are the times to FLY!

SPIN: Whatever your circumstance, there is almost always a way to put a positive spin on it if you try. Rainy day? The moisture is feeding the flowers so they will bloom brighter tomorrow. Illness or loss? You are learning compassion for others. Unexpected move? A new adventure. The other day in the car I was feeling frustrated and griping that I was so busy that day running a ton of errands when I had other things I felt I ought to be doing instead. But then I thought...no Laura...turn that thought around - you are lucky to have such an active vibrant life surrounded by so many people you love. This keeps you busy, but would you rather be bored? Nope - sure wouldn't. Suddenly I felt blessed rather than overwhelmed, just by taking that moment to turn the thought around and see the situation in a new way. Sometimes you have to reach a little to find the silver lining, but with practice you get better at it.  It's always there if you train your mind and heart to see it!

Peter Pan Challenge

Things That went Right Today:

1) Toastmasters speech on gratitude went well last night. Thanks to my toastmasters friends for your tremendous support!
2) 18 year old son hiking the Grand Canyon today! Have fun Ryan!
3) Mom sent me some inspirational books. Can't wait to read them.

Remember the story of Peter Pan, the charming boy who never grew up? Wendy initially wants to fly to Neverland with him and remain a child, but by the end of the story decides that it's better to go home and grow up after all. I am inclined to agree with Wendy on this one. Getting older brings with it many opportunities and freedoms. Knowledge and experience. I had to grow up to become a mother. If you stay a child you miss out on romance, education and independence. Perspective comes with age. Wisdom too. I'm not afraid of aging, and hope to keep learning and "growing up" for the rest of my life.

That being said though, I think it is important even as adults to hang onto our childhood sense of magic. The ability to play and laugh with abandon, and to find wonder in the simplest of things. To stop now and then and view the world through unhurried, innocent eyes. To "let go" and return to our center - the inner place the drives our true personalities. The real "ME" state that we often hide from others, and sadly even from ourselves.

How do we do that? Well...by doing the things we did as children. Before the world convinced us they were uncool, or just for kids, or undignified. Without embarrassment or apology. Come on - admit it. There are things you LOVE to do, but avoid because someone else might think you're dumb if you do them. Even when alone, we are often ruled more by the "shoulds" society places on our shoulders, rather than by our honest heart's desires. So here is my Peter Pan challenge for you today...find a way to connect to your inner child. Play a little. Act like a dork. Seriously! :-)

When's the last time you:

- Caught a firefly
- Ate a snow cone
- Rode on a carousel
- Danced and sang along with songs on the radio - with flourish! No holding back now.
- Colored in a coloring book
- Climbed a tree
- Made a snow angel
- Twirled around until you were dizzy
- Rolled down a hill
- Played dress up
- Jumped in a puddle
-You get the idea...just think back on what you used to love to do. Then go ahead and be a great big kid for a bit. It feels really good sometimes.

I am thankful today for my children for providing me ample excuses to act silly!!! So I'll always remain young at heart - no matter how grown up I get.

Simple Things To Smile About Today

Things That Went Right Today:



1) 10 year old son working on a service project to benefit the coral reef. I am proud of his enthusiasm for a good cause.

2) Planning to eat dinner outside on the deck tonight! First time this season.

3) Woke up healthy this morning...sometimes take for granted what a gift that really is!



I am currently working on a video about things that make you smile. But here is a little preview while the thoughts are in my head:



Simple Things To Smile About Today:



1) The sound of the ocean waves crashing against the shore.



2) Belly laughs - laughing until you cry.



3) Movie theater popcorn



4) New car smell



5) Baby animals at the farm



6) First steps



7) Stargazing



8) Sunflowers



9) Secret hand shakes with best friends



10) Campfires and s'mores



11) Hugs from your Mom



12) The words "I love you."



13) Lying in bed listening to the rain on the roof.



14) Birds singing in the morning.



15) Holding hands with someone special.





These are just a few of the simple joys in life. Take the time to notice today...and to smile. :-)

Happiness And Joy

Things That went Right Today:

1) Restarting my Mommy Blog.
2) Book outline came to me in the night.
3) Got a new camera with video capacity.

This morning I have been pondering on the difference between happiness and joy. When I think of the word "happiness," I typically think of simple fun things that make me smile and feel temporarily good inside. Things like comedy movies, going to amusement parks, singing and dancing. I picture people laughing on a night out with friends, playing games, enjoying delicious food and having adventures. Happiness in this definition is shallow positive sensory experience. What feels good at the moment. Dependent on having the right circumstances and surroundings. I don't mean to downplay its importance or suggest that it's inherently bad in any way. There is nothing wrong at all with finding ways to break up the monotony of day to day living. Doing things we enjoy. Laughter is indeed the best medicine and the quality of our lives improve dramatically when we remember to incorporate play and fun into our routines. The pursuit of happiness is a fundamental right and meant to be enjoyed!

When I think of the word "joy" a deeper meaning is conveyed though. Joy comes from within. It is the peace that comes from connecting with a higher power. The comfort of long term relationships. Believing in yourself. Accepting and loving the person that you are. Forgiving others so your heart is light. Developing self control. Maintaining hope for the future. Concentrating on gratitude for our blessings rather than frustration over what we lack. Joy brings internal peace and contentment regardless of our circumstances.

Often happiness and joy go hand in hand and compliment each other. The fun times we have with our family can strengthen our relationships. Laughter and play can keep us centered on positive things. When we feel inner joy it can make even mundane things feel like happy adventures. These states are complimentary and work best when experienced together. But that is not always the case.

Sometimes we can feel "happiness" that is mostly an illusion created by a jovial atmosphere or mind altering substances. Or we can throw ourselves into the pursuit of pleasure and "success" and wind up neglecting our families, health or spiritual connections. When we do so we may have fun for awhile, but will ultimately find the fundamentals of true joy eroding until we no longer experience it anymore. Once the joy is gone, happiness rarely lasts long and remains a fleeting thing until we take the time to rebuild the foundation of real joy once again.

On the flip side, joy can be felt even in the absence of happiness.  There are countless examples in all of our lives of people who somehow manage to withstand great trials in their lives and maintain peace of mind. Of those who smile even when times are tough and continue to reach out to help and love others throughout their own personal difficulties. Many things can temporarily destroy our surface happiness. Disease, troubled children and family members, job loss, natural disaster, etc. We cannot always control what happens to us in this life. But we can always feel joy if we cling to faith, hope and the power of love. And if we remain focused on thankful living.

I wish you all both happiness AND joy, today and every day!

The Three Little Pigs

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Mother daughter Mary Kay meeting tonight.
2) Beautiful sunny day in May!
3) Happy birthday to my sister in law Tami!

Remember the story of the three little pigs? The two foolish brothers who built their houses fast from straw and sticks, and then watched them blow to the ground with a huff and a puff from the big bad wolf. And the wise brother who knew that taking the time to build his house out of bricks would keep him safe from the wolf...and rescue his brothers too. I loved that story as a young girl, and my children have enjoyed it too. It's a timeless reminder of the importance of hard work and preparation. I was thinking of it this morning though in terms of both our physical and emotional health.

Our bodies serve as a physical home of sorts to our spirits. What kind of house are we building?

Straw: Filling our bodies with harmful and addictive substances. Obesity. Engaging in dangerous activities. Staying up too late. Sedentary lifestyle. Ignoring signs of illness and doctor's orders. In these cases we become our own big bad wolves, and the natural consequences of our choices will destroy our "homes" unless we make some radical structural changes.

Sticks: Not doing anything really awful, but kinda coasting. Try to eat right, but a little too much processed or fast food perhaps? Not terribly overweight, but carrying an extra 20 pounds.  Fairly active, but not too consistent in an exercise plan. Go in to see the doctor when we are sick, but think little of preventative medicine. Our big bad wolf in this case will be the cumulative affects of aging. Our homes may not blow over in one big gust, but they will deteriorate over time for lack of proper maintenance.

Bricks: This means taking our physical health seriously. Respecting our bodies and doing all we can to strengthen them and keep them functioning optimally. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day. Getting 8 hours of sleep at night. No drugs or smoking. Drinking alcohol sparingly if at all. Exercising 4 or 5 times a week. Having annual mammograms and well doctor checkups as recommended. Wearing seat belts. You know the drill. We all know what we ought to be doing. The question is are we willing to put in the time and effort to build a strong house that can withstand the wolves? And serve us well for many years to come. We choose our own rewards on this one. No one can stop aging. And accidents and disease can often randomly take us. But in many many ways we choose our course in this life by the way we choose to treat the bodies we've been blessed with. We decide if we survive...or if we thrive, based on how much energy we put into keeping ourselves healthy and safe. We're worth it!

It's important to take stock from time to time in the kind of emotional houses we are building for ourselves as well. Just as we do with our physical bodies, we have more control over this area as well than we often realize. In straw houses we allow addictions, anger and depression to rule us. Sit helplessly while they take their toll on us and our families in turn. We relive the patterns set in childhood as if we can do nothing to outgrow them. We blame others for our own behavior. Houses of sticks are a little stronger, but not much. In these we allow too much of our self esteem to be dictated by the opinions and actions of others. We repeat bad habits even though we know we shouldn't, but take no concrete steps to correct them. We analyze and talk a lot about our issues (Wallowing is often just a form of stalling on actual change isn't it?) We may know deep inside that we need some help, but are too proud to reach out for it. We're overall pretty happy people, but still get caught up in petty things far too often and spend a lot of time "stressed out." Carry grudges around which weigh heavily on our shoulders. Straw and sticks can give the illusion of security and strength. Anger can feel quite powerful at the time. And we can become rather comfortable in our habits. But let's face it. Life is tough. The winds will blow through all of our lives, and the houses of sticks and straw will do little to shelter us. They may even tumble all together.

How do we build an emotional house of bricks? One brick at a time. We need bricks of faith, perseverance, forgiveness and unconditional love for others (yes I truly mean UNconditional...that means love no matter what. I don't mean allow yourself to be abused. But never allow your heart to turn cold. You can protect yourself without turning to anger and hate. Always love. Always!) We need bricks of self confidence. Believing in ourselves no matter what messages anyone else sends. We are God's children and he makes no mistakes. We need bricks of balance, relaxation, meditation and play! We need to add bricks of patience and optimism, integrity and endurance. Passion, courage, flexibility, self reliance, enthusiasm and creativity are essential bricks as well. As are variety, connection, proactivity and hope. We forge these bricks one by one - one day at a time. The fires that come into our lives can make them stronger as a kiln does for clay, if we remain committed to building something that will stand strong throughout our lives and provide shelter for those we love as well.  The mortar that we use to hold the bricks together and form them into beautiful patterns to decorate our "house"? Gratitude of course. Thankful living will hold it all in place and keep us focused during and after construction.

Straw, sticks or bricks? Which kind of home do you want to be living in when the wolves come and the winds blow?  And what can you do today to begin building the homes of your dreams? I'm going for bricks. Gonna work hard to get there! :-)

"Just" A Mom

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Pick up my son at 11 pm tonight. Can't wait to give him a hug!
2) My in-laws sent me a great recipe book of make ahead meals! Just what I needed. Soooo excited for some fast easy recipes. Thanks!
3) A girl my son works with and her husband are moving in with us for the summer while he does an internship in the area. They arrive tomorrow. Looking forward to meeting them.

After two decades of being an at-home mom, I decided 6 months ago that it was time to create some sort of career for myself. But right away it became painfully clear to me that I had a blank resume. My degree was pretty old and when anybody had asked me what I did over the years I answered, "I'm just a Mom." Not likely to sound too impressive to a prospective employer. This frustrated me though, because it's not like I just sat around for 20 years. I worked really hard. Learned a lot. Achieved a lot. There just wasn't ever an official title or paycheck to prove it. The reward for my efforts was healthy happy kids and a lot of hugs. And lifetime friendships. These were the most important things to me, so I never worried too much about it until I started thinking about getting a job again. My solution??? Create my own. :-) It's working out just fine and I'm having fun, but here is what I think my resume SHOULD say after 20 years of parenting and nine children:

In addition to my BA degree in English, I have also had 20 years of on the job training in the following fields:

- Emergency first aid/ nurse
- Chef
- Chauffer
- Crisis management
- Party and event planner
- House cleaner
- Therapist/counselor
- Teacher
- CFO/budget analyst
- Interior decorator
- Volunteer coordinator
- Project manager
- Day care provider
- Tour guide
- Laundress
- Conflict mediator
- Room mom/team mom
- Soccer coach
- ETC!!!


Being "Just" a Mom is a lot of work, but so fulfilling too. And no matter what other jobs I ever hold in addition to motherhood,  being mommy to my kids will always be my my most important role! I am thankful every day for the opportunity I've had to build the resume above. It's been a wonderful adventure!

From The Heart Is Best

Thing That Went Right Today:

1) Laundry and dishes all caught up!!
2) Eyebrows waxed.
3) Visited with my dear friend Julie!

My friend Jenny commented on one of my posts last week by saying, "The ones from your heart are the best." The post she was commenting on really had been somewhat emotional for me to write, and it struck me at the time as interesting that in just a few paragraphs she could feel that. I was pondering on it later and realized that her comment really applies to almost everything we do in our lives actually. Whether we are going through the motions, or acting and speaking from our hearts, people around us can tell the difference. It may be subtle, but they can always feel it. Those impressions influence the way others see us and react to us as well as how much joy we experience in this life. Think about it:

-Ever worked with someone who didn't really love their job? Even if they were competent and punctual and friendly...how did it feel to work with them? A person like that can be a drain on a company atmosphere, even if they do nothing technically wrong. The negative energy just sort of jumps off of them and infects others too. Contrast that with someone who is passionate about their job. Feels pride in what they do and enjoys coming in to work each day. What kind of attitude follows that person around? Which employee turns out better work product and motivates others more? Who would you rather hire? Both individuals may be equally smart and talented and nice. But the one whose heart is in the job is the one I would want on my team.

-I can usually peg on back-to-school night which teachers my children will enjoy and which they will complain about as the year goes on. Why? Because you can tell by the way they speak about teaching if their heart is still in it, or if they burned out long ago and are just holding out waiting for tenure. The teachers who students learn the most from are the ones who teach from the heart. Who care not only about the material, but about the individual students on a personal level as well. People may say all the right words, but heart is something that shines out from your eyes when you speak. It's experienced more than verbalized.

- This is especially true with relationships. A husband or wife can tell if their spouse is there out of force of habit, or if their heart is still deeply engaged in the relationship. If not you can be living in the same house every day and still feel very lonely. A child can tell if their parent is really listening to them or is nodding their head while paying attention to something else. They feel the difference between distance and honest connection. Friends can sense whether you are truly interested in them or not too. In relationships it's not just the things you do that matter. It's whether your heart is given freely. If you are withholding it from someone they will always feel the loss...even if your outward actions remain unchanged. The opposite is also true. They will feel the gain if you begin to give more of yourself as well.

So what if your heart has gone out of something - a job or activity or relationship? What to do? The world would say to bail out and find something or someone new. In some cases that may be the answer. But what if you can't or don't want to do that, but are tired of feeling so blase and discontent. What then? I believe that the answer comes down to restoring gratitude. Take the time to sit down and list all of the good qualities and things you can think of about that person or activity. Write down all of the reasons you got involved there in the first place. What drew you to that job? What first attracted you to that person? Focus only on the good and make the list as long as you can. Ignore any little nagging negatives that try to creep in, and let your heart be open only to the positives. It may be a surprising reminder to you of feelings you haven't tuned in to for awhile, and you may find your enthusiasm returning quickly. If not, then post the list where you can read it often and try to think of new items to add to it each day. You'll be astonished at the difference this change of focus makes on the direction of your heart.

Thank you today to Jenny for the reminder that in writing blog posts...AND more importantly when choosing your words or actions in other aspects of life...the ones from your heart are the best!!!

Do You Believe in Fairy Tales?

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Signed up for the "Flylady" program again.
2) We were under tornado watch yesterday, but no tornadoes hit our house.
3) Tamed the tornado that appears to have hit the kitchen. Sink shining again.

Did you get up early to watch the Royal Wedding? My daughters did, but I overslept and had to watch clips of it after the fact. Still loved it though. What is it about this wedding that has captivated me so? I don't personally know these two young people. I am not from England, so they aren't directly my monarchs. Nothing about it will affect my life much at all really. So why then did I feel myself getting choked up as I watched them exchange their vows? Why did I feel so blissfully happy as I saw them take their carriage ride through the streets of London to the cheers of the adoring crowds?

I suppose it's because I am a hopeless romantic. Like many young girls, I grew up dreaming about one day meeting my handsome prince and moving into a castle and living happily ever after. I especially loved stories like Snow White and Cinderella where the young lady transforms from ordinary girl to princess because of the kindness of her heart. Because someone could see through her rough exterior to love the beauty deep inside of her. I even named my dog Cinderella (although we called her Cindy for short). I sang the songs and dreamed of fancy dresses that twirl. And true love.

Then I grew up like we all must do, and realized that there is kind of a shortage of actual princes out there.  And that palaces and tiaras aren't really what matters most in this life. I got busy with raising kids and paying mortgages. Cleaning bathrooms and hanging out with family doing nothing special. Just being together. Doing all the mundane ordinary things that add up to a wonderful life. A real life with real people, and real problems and real love. Laughing with my kids. Good friends to share my thoughts with. I'm not famous. Crowds don't gather just to see me walk by. But I am thankful today for this life I have built, and to be surrounded with people I love. To have the great privilege of pursuing my dreams as I understand them today. Richer and fuller than the wistful yearnings of my youth.

But the royal wedding, just for a few minutes, brought out that tiny little part of my heart that still longs to be a princess. For a moment I felt like a little girl again. It made my spirit soar to see a fairy tale come true before my eyes. Best wishes to the prince and his bride as they begin their new life together as man and wife.  They both seem to be beautiful people, on the inside as well as on the outside. They are a wonderful reminder to each of us to appreciate all the simple joys our lives have brought to us. To revel in the abundant blessings of day to day regular living - but to never stop believing in fairy tales. To always maintain that childlike sense of wonder and possibility. Three cheers to Will and Kate!!

Stars In The Darkness

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Easter Candy Hangover
2) KenpoX With Friends
3) Lunch with my friend Lynda today! Gotta LOVE Ruby Tuesday's salad bar and good conversation!

It's always amazing to watch the stars come out at night. One by one their lights begin to appear in the sky reminding us that there is so much out there beyond our earthly experience.  If you lie on your back and stare into the vastness of space, you really get a sense of how small we are compared to the expanse of the universe. You witness the majesty of God and appreciate anew the gift of light in our lives, in all of its many forms. Stars really are beautiful aren't they? Some bright. Some faint. Twinkling up there in the patterns of the ages. Leading ships home by the consistent North Star. Creating romance and mystery. Illuminating our lives with their soft glow. Stars are for dreamers to wish upon. They have a magical quality to them that has been charming storytellers since the beginning of time. The Sun's light is a wondrous thing of course, but is too bright to look directly upon. The stars are different. They are there for us to view and enjoy to our heart's content.

Funny thing about stars though. They don't really "come out" at night exactly. They actually are there all the time. We just can't see them during the day when the brilliance of the Sun overpowers their dimmer lights. The stars do not change as day turns into night. Only our ability to perceive them does. The blue-black canvas of darkness is ironically what brings them into focus for us. Providing a backdrop to highlight their delicate elegance. So you could say then that darkness is sometimes required to help us to see quiet light.

Isn't that true for people too? For ourselves? We all have a light inside of us that we were born with. The light of our own individual spirit that inspires our creativity and compassion. The source of our joy and wisdom. This is the light of who we really are deep inside. Our talents come from this place as does our ability to recognize and embrace both truth and love. It shines in our eyes and draws others toward us. It fuels our internal drive to succeed. To reach higher and further to attain our dreams and goals, and to lift others along the way as well.

Some people seem to have been born with a greater portion of the light. Their faces radiate confidence and happiness. Peace and contentment surround them and others flock to be in their presence because of the warmth they find there. Sometimes we can almost feel jealous of such individuals if we compare our smaller flames to theirs and feel at times like ours might just flicker out altogether when tough times come our way. Or perhaps we remember a day when we gleamed more brightly, but now feel like life is turning dark and we can't see as clearly as we once did. At these moments it is comforting to ponder on the lesson of the stars. Even though our lights may be temporarily overshadowed by the light of another, or hidden from view by the coming of the dusk, we can count on the fact that our God given internal light never changes. It is still there ready to shine again, even if we are having trouble seeing it right now. These are the times to rely on faith. And then watch and wait to see what the darkness reveals.

Times of trouble can teach us valuable lessons about forgiveness, love and endurance. They can show us where repentance may be in order so we can make the changes we need to. They can help us gain empathy for the pain of others. Inspire us to study and reach to grow stronger and learn from our experiences. They can teach us patience and thrift and self reliance. Affirm our true characters. Bring us to our knees in prayer to renew our hope and find comfort there. And if we pay attention, small glints of light will begin to come into view. One by one we will begin to see our strengths again. Hear laughter coming from our lips. Discover talents we didn't know we possessed.  Our unique beauty will once again glimmer through the darkness, even more lovely than before. I am thankful today for the starlight. And for the night that reveals it to me.

Things That Went Right

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Had fun working on a "prom hair" article with my friend Sylvia.
2) Driving my husband's smaller car while he is out of town. Nice to be out of my huge Suburban for awhile. So easy to park.
3) Pretzel sticks at the mall.

For those who may be new to the blog I wanted to take a second to explain the "Things That Went Right Today" that I put at the top of each post. When I began this blog I had some tough things happening in my life. It was easy to go through the days focused on everything that was wrong, but I knew that would not solve the problems. Wallowing would do nothing but make me uncomfortable and unhappy. We all have trials big and small. Every day brings challenges and troubles. Sad things or irritations either to us or to others we know and love. Turning on the evening news can be enough to make us feel discouraged and depressed as we hear story after story of war and disaster and difficulty. Pain is ever present in one form or another it seems. Life is just not always easy.

But the thing is that is only part of the story. The world is also a beautiful place full of fun and laughter. People are fundamentally good and the sun comes up every day like clockwork. We all have blessings. Love and joy are incredibly abundant if we reach for them. No matter how bad things ever get there is always something good we can find if we seek it.

Good and bad coexist side by side in all of our lives each and every day. What we see most clearly and which state we will experience most often has everything to do with where we choose to place our focus. If we zone in on the awful we will be miserable, but if we embrace the magic of life we will feel content and happy. It IS a choice that we each must make for ourselves. "Things That Went Right Today" is my daily reminder to myself of the little blessings that add up to a wonderful life. My shift in focus to the good things that surround me. Doing so makes a profound difference in my attitude and personal sense of well being. I would encourage everyone to take a moment out of every day to focus on gratitude. If we all could maintain a spirit of thankfulness, I believe the world would be a kinder gentler place. So let's each do our part to change the world, one heart at a time. Beginning with our very own. God bless!

Rewind

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Preschool Easter party today
2) Being the Grammarian at toastmasters tonight
3) Feeling inspired


Ever had a moment where you just wish you could press a rewind button and start over?  Yeah that was me this morning. My 14 year old son attends an early morning before school scripture study class at our church. He normally gets a ride with a neighbor friend of ours who also goes. For some reason she could not attend this morning, but he forgot to tell me that she couldn't drive him until about 5 minutes before he needed to leave. So I was not dressed or ready to take him, nor did I expect to be going out in the cold. Besides it was 5:45 in the morning, and figuring he was about ready to leave I had just settled back in to grab some extra zzz's before the next round of kids had to get up and moving. Needless to say I was not thrilled to get his frantic text that I needed to take him to the class...and we needed to leave right away.  I'm not proud to admit that I got pretty testy about it actually. Told him it was inconsiderate of him not to give me more notice. Sigh. Dang. Wish I had just taken a breath before opening my mouth on that one.

It was only a minute or two of grumbling before gratitude kicked back in though. The obvious realization that here was a teenage boy willing to get up at the crack of dawn to go study scriptures??? Wow. And he hadn't meant to be rude. He simply had forgotten. Don't we all forget things? So I backtracked as best as I could. Apologized and told him that I loved him and was grateful to him for being so faithful in attending the class.   I am thankful today for the power that the words "I'm sorry" have to help us rewind when our mouths work faster than our brains like mine did this morning.  And I'm grateful for a son whose only reply was, "It's ok Mom. Love you too!"

I Don't Have To Decide Today

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Tax returns DONE!
2) Met the author today of a wonderful book I'm going to read and review.
3) Learned about essential oils. Interesting stuff.


I was talking to a lady I met the other day who is a health and wellness coach. I was telling her about a decision that has been weighing on my mind causing me a bit of stress. Telling her the pros and cons and how I was expending so much energy on this issue and yet still could not seem to make a choice. Was paralyzed in a way. She asked me a simple and profound question. She said, "What if you just decide NOT to make a decision on that?" I hemmed and hawed for a bit, protesting that of course this thing that I had been stressing over was critical. But she persisted. "But what would happen if you just simply decided not to decide today?" As hard as I tried I couldn't think of really any earth shattering thing that would happen. It was a total lightbulb moment. I'd been stressing and standing still, because the timing was just not right. The reality was that it would really not matter at all to just shelve that decision until a later date, and in the meantime put the energy I'd been giving to it into other areas of my life. Such a simple shift in the way I looked at the issue made such a big difference. Usually we think that tackling issues head on and addressing them is the best way to eliminate stress, but for me in this case choosing to do nothing and put it out of my mind for a time was the crystal clear answer. So easy. So simple. After months of worry. Do we ever do that on other things in our lives? Put more emphasis on them than they deserve. Or force issues to conclusions before their time? I'm grateful today to give myself permission to just chill. Put the issue in a box until I'm ready to take it down and look at it again. And for the reminder that every question does not require an immediate answer. Sometimes we can just choose to let things go. Good to know.

Subtle Shifts In Thinking

Things That Went Right Today:

1) So nice to hug my family again. I missed them.
2) Came home to a clean house. So grateful.
3) Key Lime Pie Yoplait yogurt.

Sometimes it only takes a subtle shift in thinking to diffuse frustration and turn it to gratitude or resolve. For instance...on my flight back from Rome we got stuck sitting on the plane for over and hour before take off. It seems there was a problem with one of the passenger's passport so they had to be removed from the plane and then their luggage had to be found and taken off as well. This delay was going to cause problems for people with connecting flights and I heard a lot of grumbling going on amongst the passengers.  Given that we were facing a 9 1/2 hour flight anyway the extra hour was not overly appreciated generally. I too found myself getting fidgety and irritated while we waited seemingly endlessly for take off. Burt then the thought struck me that I really didn't know the nature of the issue. Maybe the person was a terrorist risk or something. When I looked at it that way I was suddenly quite content to sit there for a bit rather than face the potential alternatives. The delay caused my bag to be left in New York and delivered late which was kind of a pain, but really considering that I crossed an ocean for a fabulous vacation...if that was the biggest problem I had than I am very blessed indeed.

One of my favorite phrases that I use all the time is, "There is always an upside." I believe this to be true. And we'll be happier people if we choose to focus on the silver lining instead of the cloud. When it's raining outside remember that the moisture will help the flowers to grow. Going to work every day is hard, but helps us provide for our families needs. Changing diapers is no fun, but builds trust between parent and child as your serve your little ones. Getting sick can be miserable, but often allows an excuse for a much needed rest from our usual routines. Look for the "upside" when faced with challenges and the world will always feel like a happier place for you. Today I am immensely thankful to the Quezada family for hosting me on my wonderful trip to Rome. And I am grateful to have made it safely home.

What Is A Luminous Woman? by, Chelsea Wakefield

Thank you so much to Chelsea Wakefield for allowing me to share this beautiful essay with you. I hope it touches your heart the way it did mine:

What Is A Luminous Woman?

     A woman becomes luminous when she begins to live by her own inner light.  This light grows as she establishes a taproot into the creative power of her archetypal depths, giving her a quiet dynamism that emanates from the core of her being.  As she listens to the voice of her soul and tends her inner flame, she becomes aware of her own particular passions and discovers the gifts and strengths that will open the path for their expression.

     The luminous woman cultivates a core of peace and self awareness.  She rests confidently in her own original essence and therefore she can genuinely appreciate the gifts and beauty of others without the sense that they diminish her in some way.  She does not live life comparing herself to others and thereby avoids the pitfalls of competition and envy. Because her sense of worth is not dependent on the positive feedback of others, she knows her needs and wants and has her own opinions and positions on life.  She can take a stand for her own truth regardless of whether others understand, agree with, or approve of her.  A luminous woman has archetypal fluency, able to inhabit, speak, and act from many places in the psyche.  She is not trapped by narrow definitions of herself.  Her depths inform her that she is much more than her titles, social standing, appearance, talents, roles or history.   She does not shrink from life and the challenges that life brings.  She embraces her destiny as it unfolds.

     The luminous woman is not afraid of her own shadow.  She recognizes that we all have dark impulses and emotions and that this energy can be transformed into fuel for living a rich, creative and purposeful life.  The luminous woman has made peace with her past.  She celebrates the uniqueness of her story and how every experience has brought her to the place where she stands today.  She is not overly identified with her wounds.  She has gathered their gold, learned the lessons and moved on.  She is not shame bound.  Because she is anchored in her depths, she walks through the dark passages of life letting go of what needs to be released, experiencing suffering as a necessary part of transformation and moving through life’s challenges with an increasing sense of trust in the process.  Over the years her experience with the many cycles of life, death and rebirth deepen her sense of trust in the transcendent power which orchestrates all of life.  This growing trust prepares her to relinquish the body with courage and grace in the final passage of death. 

    The luminous woman balances connection and independence.  She loves deeply, but with an open hand.  She loves from a place of fullness rather than emptiness and shares her fullness with others. She experiences her own depths as her primary source of fulfillment and is not afraid of solitude.  She does not sell her soul for the promise of safety, love, approval or security.  She can chose to pour herself out and give of herself deeply, but knows when she needs replenishment and goes to the well when she needs it.   She does not cling to childhood illusions or demand that those in her life live according to her script.  She allows those she loves (children, friends, lovers, and husbands) to grow and change as their own journeys evolve.  She lives with courage and integrity.

     The luminous woman knows her value.  She is well bounded and able to set limits with those who do not respect or appreciate her value.  In tune with herself, she knows her needs and wants and can state them clearly.  The luminous woman is in touch with her vulnerability and knows how to protect herself when those around her will not.  She is free to say yes and no to the requests of others.  When people, positions, and situations no longer serve her soul’s journey she can relinquish them and move on.  The luminous woman sees and accepts people as they are and this clarity of vision gives her wisdom in her choice of relationships.  Because she is listening to her inner leading and not clinging to childhood illusions she can recognize harmful and exploitive people and situations, and decline the invitation to become prey.  Her clarity of vision allows her to partner and form loving bonds and working alliances with others who share her deeper values.

     The luminous woman remains sensually embodied throughout her life enjoying the sights, smells, sounds, tastes and sensations of life on earth.  The energy of eternal spring and the bounty of summer is experienced and expressed in all her creative endeavors, whether they be in the kitchen, garden, art, lovemaking, or in a passionate commitment to a chosen life work.  The luminous woman inhabits, enjoys, and cares for her body with appreciation all the days of her life.  She relinquishes her attachment to the body of her youth as the years pass and grows more deeply beautiful with age because she has cultivated her depths and continues to experience the greening power of the soul.

      A woman is luminous whenever she is aglow with a sense of meaning and connection, passion and deep feeling.  She can appreciate the fresh beauty and energy of the young women around her as they blossom and become aware of their presence, power and sense of self.  The presence, power and wisdom that emanate from her make her a “super model” for younger women.  Aphrodite’s sparkle is with her at all ages.  It warms and inspires others to live a little more passionately, take more chances, and open to life.  Lucky is the young woman who has a luminous woman in her life as a mentor on the great journey.

     The Luminous Woman is an archetype of the feminine.  She dwells in women of all ages, but we celebrate her most assuredly in our cherished elders, guardians and crones.  Because she is an ideal, we will not always embody her energy, but we can invite her and cultivate her at any time.  We all want the beauty, depth, courage and confidence of the Luminous Woman.  Every woman can be a luminous woman because every woman can cultivate her connection to her archetypal depths.  Her light can never be extinguished.  Any woman can be a luminous woman. 

(2009 Chelsea Wakefield)

Chelsea Wakefield MSW, LCSW

is a Jungian oriented psychotherapist, dream worker, workshop and retreat leader who works with individuals, couples and groups. She has 

spent twenty years facilitating people in moving beyond the wounds of the past, accessing their archetypal potential and living more vibrant

and meaningful lives. Chelsea draws from a depth of training in clinical and transpersonal methods and helps people integrate the insights 

of personal work into daily living. She has a passion for supporting women in developing their luminous potential.

The Luminous Woman® Weekend

encompasses twenty years of discovery and work with women, supporting them to live into their deep wisdom, unique beauty, and archetypal

power. Graduates can stay connected to this growing community through Reunion Weekends.

www.chelseawakefield.com

Emotional Spring Cleaning

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Fun visit with a friend this morning.
2) Having the garage floor treated.
3) Going to see the movie "Red Riding Hood" tonight.

This coming Sunday marks the 1st day of Spring and you know what THAT means? Spring Cleaning!!! It's a lot of hard work doing the deep cleaning that we put off throughout the year, but the house feels so much nicer once it's done doesn't it? So it's worth the effort.

My friend and I were talking this morning about the various trials that people face in this life and how no one seems to escape having hardship of some kind. It's so easy to begin to feel sorry for ourselves and wallow in the problems isn't it? We can become so consumed in the difficulties of our lives that we simply get stuck and stop fully living. We go through the motions and only give our lives half effort. Only take in half of the joy, because our hearts are filled with frustration so there isn't as much room left for happiness. I was thinking that we ought to all take some time to do a little emotional Spring cleaning. While we're clearing out the clutter in our homes and storage rooms, how about we try to clear out some of the junk taking up space in our hearts and minds as well? I know I need to. Not so much to try to make all of our problems go away. I don't think that's possible. Life just doesn't work like that. But we can definitely control where we choose to aim our focus, and therefore how we feel from day to day no matter what is happening TO us. We can still choose joy!

Some questions to ponder:

1) Is there anyone we have hurt that we ought to make amends to?  It's not always easy to approach someone and say I'm sorry. Or accept possible consequences for our actions. But the peace we feel when we step up and make things right is worth the temporary discomfort. It's a terrible burden to carry around knowing we've caused another person pain. We can ease that by resolving to do all we can to heal the wounds.

2) Are there actual steps we can take to solve our problems that we have been putting off? When we do we end up compounding the issue and dragging it out. Take action today wherever you can!

3) Are we hanging onto the idea that things aren't fair? Well...they often aren't. It's a fact of life for everyone. Time to move forward anyway.

4) Do we need help? Sometimes our pride prevents us from reaching out to others to get the support we need when we are having tough times. Whether it be medical assistance in the case of addiction or clinical depression - or a friend to help us clean our homes or rake the yard when we are overwhelmed. Our lives go in cycles. Sometimes we give and at other times it is important to learn to be a gracious receiver as well. And allow others the blessings that come to them when they serve us.

5) Have we been counting our blessings? The surest way to a happy heart is to stay centered on gratitude at all times. No matter what negative things are happening, if we look hard enough we can always find something to be grateful for. Always! Sometimes we might have to dig deep to find it, but if we make the conscious choice to seek after gratitude it will flow into us like gentle rain. We will see things we had not noticed before. And feel our hearts begin to change.

Just like the physical spring cleaning we do in our homes, this emotional spring cleaning takes effort and may not always be pleasant in the process. But an uncluttered heart and spirit can fly to new heights, so it's worth it!!!

Pick 3

Things That Went Right Today:

1) Contest drawing coming up shortly.
2) Became a star consultant with Mary Kay!
3) Birds are singing outside my door.


We all have people who bless our lives. Family, friends, neighbors, mentors, public service workers, etc. Today I want to encourage everyone to pick three people that you are thankful for and tell them. You can give them a call, ask them to lunch and tell them in person or send a note or email. However you want to do it is fine. But it's important to make sure that others know we are grateful for them and recognize the impact they have on our lives. You surely have more than just three that come to mind, but take the time to recognize at least three today. You can choose three more next week and so on. Make it a habit in your life beginning today to routinely express your gratitude to others. You will make their days brighter and it will feel really good to you as well!